Education Levels

In the context of the Church of Der Boris, the Education Levels refer to the tiered system by which all disciples must be sorted into. The education levels of individual members dictate their level of access to the church's archives, specifically barring them from documents, scrolls and artifacts deemed either too powerful or too dangerous to be witnessed by the unqualified. Tenured members of the church are progressively given more liberal access to the secrets of the Omega Destiny, while newer members are only permitted to view information which is readily available through online sources. This system allows rapid detection of Borisite spies attempting to infiltrate the faith.

As of November 2020, there are five (5) education levels, which are as follows:

Level One
Reserved almost exclusively for fresh acolytes, a level one education level forbids access to even the church grounds, normally accessible to all other followers. Level one education functions as a probationary rank to test and witness the faith of new recruits, who typically remain in this position for a 1-2 year period. Level one education acolytes are NOT certified for ascension during the advent of the Omega Destiny.

Level Two
Upon ascending to a level two education, newly-christened worshippers are given access to the church grounds and are recognised as fully-fledged devotees of Boris. Members of this rank may enjoy participating in grouped holy worship (Mon, Wed, Fri) and Taco Tuesdays (Sat) and are fully expected to spread the word of the church wherever they go. Level two education acolytes are granted conditional certification for ascension during the Omega Destiny, for immediate judgement by Boris on the fated day. Approximately 70% of all acolytes currently reside at education level two. Promotion requires at least 4 year tenure and a written exam.

Level Three
Level Three education marks the point at which advocates of the good word are granted restricted access to the archives, allowing them to further their studies into the history and culture of Boris worship. During this stage, worshippers may be cleared to view distinct artifacts related to Boris, including a half-used Benson and Hedges cigarette, an imprisoned Borisite, and a short video of Boris demonstrating his immense power by downing a bottle of alcohol while smoking at the same time. Promotion from level three education requires at least 10 years of worship.

Level Four
Few acolytes have endured the trials that Boris has imparted upon them to arrive at a level four education. Members of this level are allowed to reside in the church permanently, within its basement where they will be as close to Boris as possible as they sleep. During this stage, it is not uncommon to experience a significant increase in IQ, which may coincide with a natural psionic ability to communicate with Stock Realm inhabitants. Members are encouraged to use this ability sparsely, as overruse could result in Stock-Ghost syndrome. Only the greatest and most devoted of Boris' followers are given special permission to attempt the incredibly dangerous exam necessary for elevation up to a level five education.

Level Five
Members of the Church of Der Boris who have risen to a level five education no longer physically exist, having migrated to either the Stock Realm as powerful Stock Wizards, or retreated to remote parts of the world in order to continue their education. Those with the knowledge provided by a level five education have a full understanding of the Omega Destiny, and subsequently understand their purpose in the world and what they must do to prepare for judgement day. Admission into a level five education requires an unknown amount of time spent worshipping Boris, possibly much longer than the average human's lifespan, and a low introduction cost of £50,000,000 (and a pack of cigarettes).

Level ???
The inner circle of the Church of Der Boris consist entirely of its creators; enlightened to the true path to such an extent that it is said that Boris himself will physically manifest in the real world to briefly converse with them. These interactions form the basis of new lore and scripture. Admission into the inner circle is a concept unknown to the church itself, but a crucial step of the process seems to include the almost impossibly dangerous task of seeking the all-powerful True Name of Boris, only bestowed upon a chosen few.