Boris (SCP-000)

Item #: SCP-000

Object Class: Borealis

Special Containment Procedures: Boris cannot currently be contained on-site by the foundation. Instead, the 2000km soft-exclusion zone 'Boris' Wall' was established around the M6 in 2001, alerting foundation personnel to Boris' current whereabouts as well as any disappearances. The foundation's military assets are primed to be mobilised within ten minutes of any reports of Boris' absence from the M6 in order to prevent a Class-XCU Random Boris Event-related catastrophe.

No personnel are allowed within 500m of Boris' exact position. If Boris attempts to communicate with foundation assets, personnel are allowed to make brief conversation, but are forbidden from answering any questions relating to [NUMBER 79] and must especially refrain from accepting Boris' offer of a cigarette. Personnel assigned to Task Force 079 "The Boris Boys" are to carry no less than three packs of Benson and Hedges cigarettes on their person at all times. Refusing to comply with Boris' request for a pack of cigarettes will result in [REDACTED].

Description: "Boris" (real name unknown) is a 5'9" British male who appears to be in his early 20s. Close examination of ancient fossilised cigarette butts imply that Boris has existed for at least [REDACTED] years, consequently making him the oldest living creature on the planet. Despite having the appearance of the average British male, a certain amount of anomalies have been recorded surrounding Boris' physiology. Some of these include an estimated weight of around 10,000 tons, a recorded ionised radiation emission rate of 7000msv/h, and a supercriticality yield of [REDACTED] megatons.

Boris displays an unusual attraction to the stock market, and especially focuses on the price of [NUMBER 79]. Recorded instances of Boris' power being exerted shows that he seems to gain power as his possession of [NUMBER 79] increases. While high-powered X-ray scans have proven useless in studying Boris' internal organs, information disclosed to the foundation by an unknown organisation named the 'UWG' claim that Boris houses a prototype RDS-46 nuclear reactor attached to his heart. The purpose of this reactor is unknown. However, huge emissions of radiation recorded in certain rural areas of the state of Israel show a remarkable similarity to the expected output of the Soviet RDS-46 warhead.

Boris is heavily implied to be allied with SCP-998, 'The Boy Who Saved Crypto', and appears to be displeased by any mention of as-of-yet unrecovered SCP subjects SCP-996 and SCP-997, colloquially known as the 'Bogdanoff Twins'. Boris' relation to the Bogdanoff's plans are unknown as of the time of writing.